The pursue-withdraw cycle

A pursue-withdraw dynamic between partners is self-sustaining and does not require either person to be at fault.

1. Terry Real 13 Aug 2026 Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy The important thing to know is that the cycle is self-feeding: it does not need anyone to be at fault to keep going. ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com · 13 Aug 2026All korrents from this piece

   Their wordsThe important thing to know is that the cycle is self-feeding: it does not need anyone to be at fault to keep going.

   ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com

   13 Aug 2026

A person cannot both protect themselves emotionally and build intimacy with a partner at the same moment.

Mental modelAttachment patterns

1. Terry Real 13 Aug 2026 Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy You can protect yourself or you can work on being intimate, but you can't do both at the same time. ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com · 13 Aug 2026All korrents from this piece

   Their wordsYou can protect yourself or you can work on being intimate, but you can't do both at the same time.

   ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com

   13 Aug 2026

Suppressed hurt hardens into resentment that erodes generosity, and what looks like acceptance can actually be resignation.

Mental modelThe pain beneath the symptom

1. Terry Real 13 Aug 2026 Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy It hardens into resentment, and resentment dries up generosity. What looks like acceptance may actually be resignation. ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com · 13 Aug 2026All korrents from this piece

   Their wordsIt hardens into resentment, and resentment dries up generosity. What looks like acceptance may actually be resignation.

   ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com

   13 Aug 2026

Avoiding conflict does not actually resolve it, so suppressed feelings build up until they surface all at once.

Mental modelsSecond-order thinking, Attachment patterns

1. Julie Menanno 11 Jun 2026 Marriage and family therapist working from attachment… But avoidance does not actually resolve anything, so feelings build underneath the surface. ↗Confused About Your Attachment Style? Keep the 4 C’s in Mindjuliemenanno.substack.com · 11 Jun 2026All korrents from this piece

   Their wordsBut avoidance does not actually resolve anything, so feelings build underneath the surface.

   ↗Confused About Your Attachment Style? Keep the 4 C’s in Mindjuliemenanno.substack.com

   11 Jun 2026

Opening a fixed relational pattern takes two things: the implicit made explicit, and the person's own recoil from what they see.

Mental modelEarly templates

1. Terry Real 11 Aug 2023 Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy Neurobiologists tell us that it takes two things to unlock and open up a neural pathway. The first is that the implicit must be made explicit. Sometimes you need help seeing what you don't see. But you must be open to the feedback. Second, there must be some sort of recoil, a sense of discrepancy, of "Oh no, I'm not sure I really want to keep doing that." ↗The Myth of the Individualterryreal.com · 11 Aug 2023

   Their wordsNeurobiologists tell us that it takes two things to unlock and open up a neural pathway. The first is that the implicit must be made explicit. Sometimes you need help seeing what you don't see. But you must be open to the feedback. Second, there must be some sort of recoil, a sense of discrepancy, of "Oh no, I'm not sure I really want to keep doing that."

   ↗The Myth of the Individualterryreal.com

   11 Aug 2023

Couples are never really fighting about the dishes: the fight is where unmet attachment need surfaces.

Mental modelAttachment patterns

1. Annie Wright 31 May 2026 Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and executive coach They’re not fighting about the dishes. They never are. ↗Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy: An Attachment Guideanniewright.com · 31 May 2026

   Their wordsThey’re not fighting about the dishes. They never are.

   ↗Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy: An Attachment Guideanniewright.com

   31 May 2026

Relationships are healed through vulnerability, not optimised by strategy.

1. Annie Wright 31 May 2026 Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and executive coach Relationships aren’t optimized by strategy. They’re healed through vulnerability. ↗Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy: An Attachment Guideanniewright.com · 31 May 2026

   Their wordsRelationships aren’t optimized by strategy. They’re healed through vulnerability.

   ↗Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy: An Attachment Guideanniewright.com

   31 May 2026