The pain beneath the symptom

The behaviour on the surface is often the visible part of something else: anger over grief, resentment over hurt, addiction over pain. Treating only the surface treats an effect.

Our reading of the idea · 6 claims from 4 people, in their own words

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Who uses this model Everyone Gabor Mate 2 Julie Menanno 2 Jonathan Shedler 1 Terry Real 1

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Addiction is neither a choice nor an inherited disease, but a response to pain: the question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.

Gabor Mate 5 Apr 2017 Physician and author on addiction It is time to realize, then, addiction is neither a choice nor an inherited disease, but a psychological and physiological response to painful life experiences. BEYOND DRUGS: The Universal Experience of Addictiondrgabormate.com · 5 Apr 2017

Their wordsIt is time to realize, then, addiction is neither a choice nor an inherited disease, but a psychological and physiological response to painful life experiences.

↗BEYOND DRUGS: The Universal Experience of Addictiondrgabormate.com
5 Apr 2017

Treating an addiction without treating the pain underneath it is treating an effect rather than a cause.

Gabor Mate 5 Apr 2017 Physician and author on addiction to treat the addiction, which is a symptom, without treating the pain that underlies it is to deal in effects rather than in causes, and therefore dooms many to ongoing cycles of suffering BEYOND DRUGS: The Universal Experience of Addictiondrgabormate.com · 5 Apr 2017

Their wordsto treat the addiction, which is a symptom, without treating the pain that underlies it is to deal in effects rather than in causes, and therefore dooms many to ongoing cycles of suffering

↗BEYOND DRUGS: The Universal Experience of Addictiondrgabormate.com
5 Apr 2017

Underneath the anger of anxious attachment is unresolved grief about not having been responded to.

Mental modelAttachment patterns

Julie Menanno 29 Apr 2026 Marriage and family therapist working from attachment… Underneath anger is sadness over all your cumulative experiences in life of not being responded to, past and present. The sadness around powerlessness. Unresolved grief. How Anger Shows Up in Anxious Attachment, and What the Work Isjuliemenanno.substack.com · 29 Apr 2026

Their wordsUnderneath anger is sadness over all your cumulative experiences in life of not being responded to, past and present. The sadness around powerlessness. Unresolved grief.

↗How Anger Shows Up in Anxious Attachment, and What the Work Isjuliemenanno.substack.com
29 Apr 2026

Suppressed hurt hardens into resentment that erodes generosity, and what looks like acceptance can actually be resignation.

Mental modelThe pursue-withdraw cycle

Terry Real 13 Aug 2026 Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy It hardens into resentment, and resentment dries up generosity. What looks like acceptance may actually be resignation. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com · 13 Aug 2026 All korrents from this piece

Their wordsIt hardens into resentment, and resentment dries up generosity. What looks like acceptance may actually be resignation.

↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com
13 Aug 2026

Getting angry quickly in an anxiously attached person is a threat-detection habit their nervous system learned, not a character flaw.