korrents

Attachment theory

That early bonds shape how a person seeks and avoids closeness for the rest of their life, and the couples work built on that claim.

FilterEveryone, all time9 from 6 people
Group All Scientists 2Writers & journalists 3
Who Everyone JMJulie Menanno 3 TRTerry Real 2 AGAdam Grant 1 JSJonathan Shedler 1 MPMaria Popova 1 SFSigmund Freud 1
When All time Past 1 yearPast 3 yearsPast 5 years
  1. MP

    Maria Popova quoted

    Writer and founder of The Marginalian

    Our readingEarly childhood contact with parents shapes a person's capacity for connection in all their later relationships.

    Their wordsthat our early limbic contact with our parents profoundly shapes our character, laying down the wiring for emotional habits and patterns of connecting that greatly influence what we bring to all subsequent relationships in life, either expanding or contracting our capacity for "positivity resonance" depending on how nurturing or toxic those formative relationships were.

    ↗How to Handle a Narcissistic and Abusive Parent: Kafka’s Remarkable Letter to Fatherthemarginalian.org 1st of 2 in this piece

  2. 5 days earlier
  3. JS

    Jonathan Shedler quoted

    Clinical psychologist and clinical professor of psychiatry at UCSF

    Our readingThe expectation that another person can make everything better originates in early childhood experiences of parents as all-powerful.

    Their wordsThis expectation is a vestige of early childhood and the small child's experience of their parents as omnipotent-able to provide whatever is needed to make everything all better.

    ↗Masochism: When Suffering Becomes a Way of Lifejonathanshedler.substack.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  4. 6 weeks earlier
  5. TR

    Terry Real quoted

    Family therapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy

    Our readingA person cannot both protect themselves emotionally and build intimacy with a partner at the same moment.

    Their wordsYou can protect yourself or you can work on being intimate, but you can't do both at the same time.

    ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com 2nd of 3 in this piece

  7. TR

    Terry Real quoted

    Our readingA pursue-withdraw dynamic between partners is self-sustaining and does not require either person to be at fault.

    Their wordsThe important thing to know is that the cycle is self-feeding: it does not need anyone to be at fault to keep going.

    ↗Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? Why It Happens and How to Reconnectterryreal.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  8. 4 days earlier
  9. AG

    Adam Grant quoted

    Organizational psychologist and professor at the Wharton School

    Our readingPeople pleasing develops as an insecure attachment strategy learned from being valued only for submissiveness.

    Their wordsPeople pleasing is based on insecure attachment. We become people pleasers when we discover that others only value us when we're cooperative to the point of being submissive and deferential.

    ↗The Truth About People Pleasingadamgrant.substack.com 2nd of 3 in this piece

  10. 8 weeks earlier
  11. JM

    Julie Menanno quoted

    Marriage and family therapist working from attachment…

    Our readingAttachment patterns tend to surface most clearly in the situations that carry the greatest emotional risk.

    Their wordsAttachment patterns tend to show themselves where the risk feels greatest.

    ↗Confused About Your Attachment Style? Keep the 4 C’s in Mindjuliemenanno.substack.com 1st of 2 in this piece

  12. 6 weeks earlier
  13. JM

    Julie Menanno quoted

    Our readingGetting angry quickly in an anxiously attached person is a threat-detection habit their nervous system learned, not a character flaw.

    Their wordsWhen you get angry fast, it usually is not because you are "too much." It is often because your nervous system learned to live on alert.

    ↗How Anger Shows Up in Anxious Attachment, and What the Work Isjuliemenanno.substack.com

  15. JM

    Julie Menanno quoted

    Our readingUnderneath the anger of anxious attachment is unresolved grief about not having been responded to.

    Their wordsUnderneath anger is sadness over all your cumulative experiences in life of not being responded to, past and present. The sadness around powerlessness. Unresolved grief.

    ↗How Anger Shows Up in Anxious Attachment, and What the Work Isjuliemenanno.substack.com

  17. SF

    Sigmund Freud quoted

    Founder of psychoanalysis (1856 to 1939)

    Our readingEmphasis on work binds the individual to reality more than any other technique of living

    Their wordsLaying stress upon importance of work has a greater effect than any other technique of living in the direction of binding the individual more closely to reality; in his work he is at least securely attached to a part of reality, the human community.

    ↗Civilization and Its Discontents (tr. Joan Riviere, 1930)gutenberg.org All 20 from this book