Ava Huang
Writer of the newsletter bookbear express, on psychology, relationships, non-attachment and taste; based in San Francisco.
Ava Huang did not write this page.
We collected these quotes from things they published elsewhere, and every quote links to where it was said. They have no account here and have not endorsed this site. Quotes are word for word; the short line under each one is our own restatement, not their wording. Their own site. Is this you? Claim it or ask us to remove it. Or tell us what is wrong here.
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Their wordsMost people waste their whole lives going in circles. They act out the same relationship dynamic again and again.
↗how to solve your problemsavabear.xyz 1st of 3 in this piece
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Their wordsIn general, feeling your problems goes so much further than thinking about your problems. Thinking is mostly useful for strategy, and doesn't get you very far when you're not in touch with your emotional state.
↗how to solve your problemsavabear.xyz 2nd of 3 in this piece
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Their wordsOther people can check our blind spots for us, and offer general feedback on whether we're delusional or not. Friends who will tell you if you're being delusional are worth their weight in gold.
↗how to solve your problemsavabear.xyz 3rd of 3 in this piece
- 4 days earlier
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Their wordsIt is good, actually, that we can't get everything from one person. The worst way to relate to this is to bemoan it.
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Their wordsWhat we like is often not what we anticipate liking, and what we value the most is not necessarily what we fantasize about the most.
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Their wordsDesire, after all, arises when we notice someone else's power and autonomy.
- 2 weeks earlier
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Their wordsanything that feels like a way to get out of doing the work will come back to bite you. You have to go through yourself to get anywhere good.
↗some things I’ve learned about relationshipsavabear.xyz 1st of 3 in this piece
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Their wordsIf you consistently get the same particular negative reaction from people, it's best to model your own affect/behavior as the cause.
↗some things I’ve learned about relationshipsavabear.xyz 2nd of 3 in this piece
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Their wordsBeing honest earlier is always better than being honest later.
↗some things I’ve learned about relationshipsavabear.xyz 3rd of 3 in this piece
- 4 days earlier
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Their wordsBut also going slow does not mean things will work out for you: just look at Lily Bart.
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Their wordsMany model it as game theory, but the interesting thing about Jane Austen is that she understands that marrying well is also about virtue ethics.
- 2 days earlier
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Their wordsI've noticed that people are significantly more likely to work through major life problems when they have even one or two people they can tell everything to, who care about them and give them sage counsel.
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Their wordsit is very bad to take on total responsibility for a capable adult human being; we are each responsible for our own psyche, our own life.
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Their wordsTo me, the possibility of partnership is the feeling that despite the fundamental chasm between two human beings, love allows us to bridge the gap; alienation is the feeling that the gap cannot be bridged, and moreover, that I do not want to.
- 6 days earlier
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Our reading
Witnessing suffering, rather than solving it, may be the only way we can truly comprehend it.
Their wordsSeeing suffering, being made to witness it, is not of course a solution to suffering. But perhaps, it's the only comprehension we can really possess.
↗notes on the brothers karamazovavabear.xyz 1st of 3 in this piece
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Our reading
The purpose of novels is to bear witness to the inexplicability of human life, not to solve it.
Their wordsBut novels are about bearing witness to something we fundamentally cannot solve, which is to say the inexplicability and incomprehensibility of human life.
↗notes on the brothers karamazovavabear.xyz 2nd of 3 in this piece
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Their wordsIn fact, like many others, I've lately been hyperfixated on the idea that our problems are astonishingly religious in nature.
↗notes on the brothers karamazovavabear.xyz 3rd of 3 in this piece