korrents

family

Children, partners and inheritance: the peak experience, and what to hand on.

FilterEveryone, all time61 from 33 people
Group All Technologists 2Scientists 2Economists & investors 2Founders & executives 1Artists & entertainers 1Writers & journalists 5Activists 1
Who Everyone DHDavid Heinemeier Hansson 12 AEAlice Evans 6 TUTim Urban 4 NENat Eliason 3 ESElizabeth Cady Stanton 2 GRGretchen Rubin 2 JWJack Weatherford 2 JLJoe Liemandt 2 KDKent C. Dodds 2 LSLyman Stone 2 PBPaul Bloom 2 AWAnnie Wright 1 AHAva Huang 1 DSDerek Sivers 1 EOEmily Oster 1 FBFrancis Bacon 1 GHGarrett Hardin 1 HNHaley Nahman 1 HMHarriet Martineau 1 HKHolden Karnofsky 1 JFJacob Falkovich 1 JSJonathan Shedler 1 LFLex Fridman 1 MFMargaret Fuller 1 MAMari Andrew 1 MWMary Wollstonecraft 1 MLMichael Lewis 1 OEOlaudah Equiano 1 PMPaul Millerd 1 PDPavel Durov 1 RHRob Henderson 1 RHRobin Hanson 1 TFTiago Forte 1
When All time Past 1 yearPast 3 yearsPast 5 years
  1. JS

    Jonathan Shedler quoted

    Clinical psychologist and clinical professor of psychiatry at UCSF

    Our readingThe expectation that another person can make everything better originates in early childhood experiences of parents as all-powerful.

    Their wordsThis expectation is a vestige of early childhood and the small child's experience of their parents as omnipotent-able to provide whatever is needed to make everything all better.

    ↗Masochism: When Suffering Becomes a Way of Lifejonathanshedler.substack.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  2. 1 day earlier
  3. HN

    Haley Nahman quoted

    Writer living in Brooklyn and former Man Repeller features director

    Our readingA partner's difficult trait becomes tolerable only if their good qualities outweigh it and you don't feel alone dealing with its effects.

    Their wordsMy general view on a partner with a challenging quality is that to make peace with it, two things need to be true: 1. They have enough wonderful qualities you value to compensate for it, and 2. They don't make you feel alone or lonely in dealing with the runoff of said challenging quality.

    ↗#283: My boyfriend’s insomnia has me spinning outhaleynahman.substack.com 2nd of 2 in this piece

  4. 10 days earlier
  5. AH

    Ava Huang quoted

    Writer of the newsletter bookbear express, on psychology

    Our readingChoosing a partner well is a matter of virtue ethics, not just game theory.

    Their wordsMany model it as game theory, but the interesting thing about Jane Austen is that she understands that marrying well is also about virtue ethics.

    ↗going fast and slowavabear.xyz 2nd of 2 in this piece

  6. 8 days earlier
  7. RH

    Rob Henderson quoted

    Psychologist and writer

    Our readingHappier couples respond to a partner's lapses by assuming distraction or tiredness rather than indifference.

    happiness

    Their wordsHappier couples tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Rather than assuming "My partner doesn't care," they're more likely to consider that the other is tired, distracted, overwhelmed or simply unaware of the impact of their behavior.

    ↗Bad Strategy, First-World Problems, Heterodox Datingrobkhenderson.com 2nd of 2 in this piece

  8. 2 days earlier
  9. PB

    Paul Bloom quoted

    Psychologist at the University of Toronto and professor emeritus at Yale

    Our readingDisputes about phones, homework and childhood are disputes about values, and more data will not settle them.

    education

    Their wordsthe claim here is that arguments about smartphones, bullying, and homework are arguments about values, often moral values

    ↗Kids These Dayssmallpotatoes.paulbloom.net 3rd of 3 in this piece

  11. JL

    Joe Liemandt quoted

    Founder of Trilogy Software and principal of Alpha School

    Our readingChildren develop by struggling and failing on the road to success while a caring adult supports them, and school should be running that loop all day instead of leaving it to after-school sports.

    Their wordsThe key to developing a child is that they struggle and fail on their road to success supported by a caring adult. And you just want to run that loop.

    ↗How to Accelerate Learning & Improve Education | Joe Liemandtyoutube.com 5th of 26 in this recording

  13. JL

    Joe Liemandt quoted

    Our readingPaying a child cash to break a belief that they cannot do something is legitimate, and it creates intrinsic motivation rather than destroying it.

    motivation

    Their wordsthese kids have a block that they can't do it. You do whatever you can including paying them to break through the block. they then see themselves as a different person

    ↗How to Accelerate Learning & Improve Education | Joe Liemandtyoutube.com 22nd of 26 in this recording

  14. 5 days earlier
  15. DH

    David Heinemeier Hansson quoted

    Creator of Ruby on Rails, CTO of 37signals

    Our readingCreating life with another human you love is the peak experience of being on the planet.

    Their wordsI'm excited about a lot of things. I love building things, and I love hobbies, and I love all sorts of stuff. But creating life with another human that you love is literally the peak experience of being on the planet.

    ↗DHH: Future of Programming, AI, Agentic Engineering, Vibe Coding & Linux | Lex Fridman Podcast #501youtube.com 28th of 41 in this recording

  16. 3 weeks earlier
  17. PB

    Paul Bloom quoted

    Our readingHaving children does not make people better: parental love concentrates concern on a few and leaves less of it for everyone else.

    Their wordsAre parents better people? Not really. Parental love directs enormous concern toward a few particular people, leaving less for everyone else.

    ↗Are parents better people?smallpotatoes.paulbloom.net

  18. 3 weeks earlier
  19. TF

    Tiago Forte quoted

    Writer and teacher on productivity and personal knowledge management

    Our readingThe purpose of childhood is to encounter failure and hardship directly, not be shielded from it.

    Their wordsThe whole purpose of childhood is to mess up, to skin your knees, to run up against the limits of reality and feel reality push back.

    ↗Operation Gallavant: An Overlanding Journey Through Latin Americafortelabs.com 1st of 3 in this piece

  20. 3 days earlier
  21. EO

    Emily Oster quoted

    Economist at Brown; writes ParentData and the books…

    Our readingThere is no data showing that following a strict diet, meditation practice, or taking expensive supplements helps someone get pregnant.

    Their wordsGoing on the perfect diet, starting a meditation practice, taking a bunch of expensive supplements - there isn't any data to suggest that these will help you get pregnant.

    ↗What “Trimester Zero” Should Teach Us Insteadparentdata.org 2nd of 3 in this piece

  22. 3 weeks earlier
  23. GR

    Gretchen Rubin quoted

    Writer on happiness, habits and human nature

    Our readingYelling and nagging at children produces compliance in the moment but costs tension, sulking, and guilt.

    Their wordsYelling and nagging may seem effective in the moment ("I'm getting them to put on their shoes!"), but the cost is tension, sulking, and guilt.

    ↗How to Be a Happier, Calmer Parent: 16 Things to Try Instead of Yellinggretchenrubin.com 1st of 2 in this piece

  25. GR

    Gretchen Rubin quoted

    Our readingParental stress and sleep deprivation make harsh reactions to normal child behavior more likely.

    Their wordsWhen a parent is stressed, low on sleep, or otherwise depleted, they may be even more prone to reacting harshly to normal kid behavior and boundary-pushing.

    ↗How to Be a Happier, Calmer Parent: 16 Things to Try Instead of Yellinggretchenrubin.com 2nd of 2 in this piece

  26. 3 months earlier
  27. MA

    Mari Andrew quoted

    Writer and illustrator, author of Am I There Yet

    Our readingHaving children is not a niche or selfish lifestyle choice, and people without children shouldn't bear the costs of a structure that fails everyone.

    Their wordsI don't think the continuation of the species is some niche, selfish lifestyle choice, nor do I think people without children should have to constantly absorb the consequences of a structure that isn't helping either of us.

    ↗Surprises of Motherhoodmariandrew.substack.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  29. AW

    Annie Wright quoted

    Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and executive coach

    Our readingIn schema therapy the therapeutic relationship itself supplies the attunement that was missing in childhood.

    PsychotherapySchema therapy

    Their wordsAnd we use the therapeutic relationship itself (limited reparenting) to provide the emotional attunement that was missing in your childhood.

    ↗Schema Therapy for Driven Womenanniewright.com

  30. 3 months earlier
  31. PM

    Paul Millerd quoted

    Writer and former McKinsey/BCG strategy consultant

    Our readingThe right amount of work for a parent is somewhere between doing none and doing everything, not at either extreme.

    Their wordsI think the right amount of work when you're a parent is not zero and the right amount of work is not 100, but I'm using work very loosely.

    ↗Michael Ashcroft on Getting Lost and The Joys of Dad Lifepathlesspath.com

  32. 2 weeks earlier
  33. ML

    Michael Lewis quoted

    American author of Liar's Poker, Moneyball

    Our readingAn athlete who moves his family across the country for a few million dollars more is trading a life that loves him for money that will not improve it.

    happiness

    Their wordsthe average athlete who's taking a few million dollars more to move his wife and kids from one family, one city that they loves him and that he loves to some strange place where everybody's going to be unhappy.

    ↗10 Years of Acquired (with Michael Lewis)youtube.com 16th of 16 in this recording

  34. 7 weeks earlier
  35. TU

    Tim Urban quoted

    Writer and illustrator behind Wait But Why

    Our readingMost people are not genuinely interested in videos of someone else's young child.

    Their wordsToddler parenthood is a reality distortion zone that makes it hard to remember that most people find your toddler breathtakingly uninteresting.

    ↗Tales from Toddlerhoodwaitbutwhy.com 1st of 3 in this piece

  37. TU

    Tim Urban quoted

    Our readingParenting has less influence on how children turn out than most parents assume.

    Their wordsToddler parents can take solace in the fact that parenting probably matters less than we think it does.

    ↗Tales from Toddlerhoodwaitbutwhy.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  38. 3 weeks earlier
  39. LF

    Lex Fridman quoted

    AI researcher and host of the Lex Fridman Podcast

    Our readingCompetition drives skill, and sparing young people the struggle only defers it.

    Their wordsit seems like struggle is a part of life, either you do it earlier or you do it later. And it’s true, that’s such a good point that competition does seem to be a really powerful driver of skill development

    ↗Pavel Durov: Telegram, Freedom, Censorship, Money, Power & Human Nature | Lex Fridman Podcast #482youtube.com 21st of 28 in this recording

  41. PD

    Pavel Durov quoted

    Founder of Telegram, and before it of VK

    Our readingOverabundance paralyses motivation and willpower, which is why his wealth will be split among more than a hundred heirs and only reach them as adults.

    disciplinemotivation

    Their wordsYeah, I think overabundance paralyzes motivation and willpower. It's extremely harmful, particularly for young boys, to grow up in an environment where they can be proud, not of their own achievements, but of their father's achievements or their father's wealth.

    ↗Pavel Durov: Telegram, Freedom, Censorship, Money, Power & Human Nature | Lex Fridman Podcast #482youtube.com 24th of 28 in this recording

  42. 12 days earlier
  43. NE

    Nat Eliason quoted

    Writer and novelist

    Our readingAttitude, not the surrounding circumstances, determines how hard parenting feels.

    Their wordsnone of the imagined deficiencies in your situation are more limiting than your attitude.

    ↗Having Kids Has Been Far Easier and Better than I Expectednateliason.com 1st of 3 in this piece

  45. NE

    Nat Eliason quoted

    Our readingExtensive preparation before having kids is unnecessary since parents have months to adjust as needs arise.

    Their wordsThis is part of why I think "getting ready" to have kids is, frankly, ridiculous.

    ↗Having Kids Has Been Far Easier and Better than I Expectednateliason.com 2nd of 3 in this piece

  47. NE

    Nat Eliason quoted

    Our readingThe difficulty of raising more children increases gradually enough that parents adapt to it without noticing.

    Their wordsIt rarely gets hard all at once. You slide into the new level of challenge without really noticing it.

    ↗Having Kids Has Been Far Easier and Better than I Expectednateliason.com 3rd of 3 in this piece

  48. 7 weeks earlier
  49. JW

    Jack Weatherford quoted

    Anthropologist and author of Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World

    Our readingThe real source of the feuding that tore the Mongol steppe apart was women, which is why Genghis Khan's first law outlawed kidnapping and selling them.

    Their wordsLater, Genghis Khan will realize once he becomes Chinggis Khan, he will realize that the true source of most of the feuding on the steppe is over women. And later he will outlaw the kidnapping of women and the sale of women, in part not only because of what had happened to his mother, but what happened to him next in his life.

    ↗Jack Weatherford: Genghis Khan and the Mongol Empire | Lex Fridman Podcast #476youtube.com 1st of 22 in this recording

  51. JW

    Jack Weatherford quoted

    Our readingThe section of the Secret History in which Genghis Khan rewards his daughters was cut out of the surviving text.

    Their wordsHe says, “Now, let us reward our daughters.” It's actually only a phrase. I said it as a complete sentence, but it's not quite complete. The rest is gone, cut out. It's missing.

    ↗Jack Weatherford: Genghis Khan and the Mongol Empire | Lex Fridman Podcast #476youtube.com 22nd of 22 in this recording

  52. 2 weeks earlier
  53. LS

    Lyman Stone quoted

    Demographer

    Our readingPeople aim at a number of surviving children rather than a number of births, so falling child mortality lets births fall without anyone wanting a smaller family.

    Their wordsthe key point is that as child mortality declines, live births can be allowed to decline without changing desired family size

    ↗There Is No Long Decline in Fertilitylymanstone.substack.com 4th of 5 in this piece

  55. LS

    Lyman Stone quoted

    Our readingThere is no long decline in human family size: once child survival is accounted for, the two-century downward trend disappears.

    Their wordsWhat you can see is that the “long decline” of TFR since the late-19th century is… an illusion! It isn’t real!

    ↗There Is No Long Decline in Fertilitylymanstone.substack.com 5th of 5 in this piece

  56. 3 days earlier
  57. DH

    David Heinemeier Hansson quoted

    Our readingParents have an obligation to talk up having children, because the case against is made a thousand times louder than the case for.

    Their wordsthose of us who've chosen to do the traditional thing to get married and to have children have an obligation to kind of talk it up a little bit, which would've seen ridiculous again 50 years ago that you'd have to talk up something so fundamental of that.

    ↗DHH: Future of Programming, AI, Ruby on Rails, Productivity & Parenting | Lex Fridman Podcast #474youtube.com 35th of 36 in this recording

  59. DH

    David Heinemeier Hansson quoted

    Our readingFraming childcare as unpaid labour, and a mother who stays home as a failure of feminist ambition, is a complete dead end.

    ambitiongender equality

    Their wordsBut there's something that's just not right in the analysis that children are a burden and that if woman chooses to stay at home with the kids, that that some sort of failure mode of feminist ambition. I think that's actually a complete dead end.

    ↗DHH: Future of Programming, AI, Ruby on Rails, Productivity & Parenting | Lex Fridman Podcast #474youtube.com 37th of 36 in this recording