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The Truth About People Pleasing

Adam Grant · 9 Aug 2026

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Every claim below was made in this piece, quoted word for word and numbered in the order the piece makes them, so you can read it there rather than take our word for it. The sentence above each quote is our reading of the claim, not their wording. Each quote was checked against a stored copy of the page at build time; where the two differ, the quote is the fact.

  1. The root of chronic people pleasing is not concern for others. It's concern for their acceptance and approval.
  2. People pleasing is based on insecure attachment. We become people pleasers when we discover that others only value us when we're cooperative to the point of being submissive and deferential.
  3. Saying no is not selfish; it's an act of self-preservation. Setting boundaries is not about letting others down-it's about standing up for yourself.

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