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Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson

@sue-johnson · 12 positions

Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples; author of Hold Me Tight.

Sue Johnson did not write this page.

We collected these quotes from things they published elsewhere, and every quote links to where it was said. They have no account here and have not endorsed this site. Quotes are word for word; the short line under each one is our own restatement, not their wording. Their own site. Is this you? Claim it or ask us to remove it. Or tell us what is wrong here.

The ideas Sue Johnson's claims keep coming back to. The labels are ours; every quote is Sue Johnson's own words.

Holds now (3)

See how these views changed over time, 2023–2024
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2023 3 views
First seen · 3 claims Romantic love is an attachment bond, and connection is the biggest human need
First seen · 4 claims In a distressed couple the dance is the problem, and skills are not what repairs it
First seen · 1 claim Therapy is a safe, regulated emotional experience that changes both partners
2024 2 quiet
QuietRomantic love is an attachment bond, and connection is the biggest human need
Why
Nothing on this in 2024 in our sources. Last said 15 May 2023: Emotional isolation is traumatizing in itself.Not said since
QuietIn a distressed couple the dance is the problem, and skills are not what repairs it
Why
Nothing on this in 2024 in our sources. Last said 15 May 2023: What looks like depression is often heartbreak.Not said since
Still held · 4 claims Therapy is a safe, regulated emotional experience that changes both partners

Each column is a stretch of time in which the same views came up; a new column starts when one appears or goes quiet. Quiet means nothing on it in our sources for that stretch, which is not the same as a change of mind; Dropped means they said they no longer hold it; tap the card for which claim and when. Revised means the view carries on but one of its claims was dropped. Each row is one view, in the same place all the way along. The number is how many claims in that stretch; we hold 8 in 2023, 4 in 2024.

Romantic love is an attachment bond, and connection is the biggest human need

Our label. 3 claims in Sue Johnson's own words.

Romantic love is an attachment bond, much like the bond with a parent.

Mental modelAttachment patterns

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… romantic love is an attachment bond, much like we have with parents Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:10:45 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsromantic love is an attachment bond, much like we have with parents

    Where this was said

    Said 0:10:45 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

The need to connect with another human being is the biggest human instinct.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… The need to connect with another human being is the biggest instinct. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:14:07 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsThe need to connect with another human being is the biggest instinct.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:14:07 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Emotional isolation is traumatizing in itself.

Mental modelAttachment patterns

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… emotional isolation is inherently traumatizing in itself Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:14:07 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsemotional isolation is inherently traumatizing in itself

    Where this was said

    Said 0:14:07 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

In a distressed couple the dance is the problem, and skills are not what repairs it

Our label. 4 claims in Sue Johnson's own words.

In a distressed couple the dance is the problem, not the people.

Mental modelThe pursue-withdraw cycle

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… And it's the dance that's the problem. They're just human beings. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:19:17 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsAnd it's the dance that's the problem. They're just human beings.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:19:17 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Couples do not need to be taught skills; what changes them is a bonding conversation.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… The missing puzzle piece is you don't have to teach skills. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:13:37 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsThe missing puzzle piece is you don't have to teach skills.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:13:37 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

A couples therapist starts by validating where people are, not by asking them to be vulnerable.

Mental modelEmpathy and validation

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… we don't start with saying to people, please be vulnerable. We start with validating where they are. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:27:23 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordswe don't start with saying to people, please be vulnerable. We start with validating where they are.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:27:23 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

What looks like depression is often heartbreak.

Mental modelThe pain beneath the symptom

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… She's not depressed. She's heartbroken. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:23:53 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsShe's not depressed. She's heartbroken.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:23:53 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Therapy is a safe, regulated emotional experience that changes both partners

Our label. 5 claims in Sue Johnson's own words.

Couples therapy is an amazing arena for change, because a changed relationship changes both partners.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… What you have in couples therapy is an amazing arena for change. 208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com · 30 Apr 2024 · 0:16:03 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsWhat you have in couples therapy is an amazing arena for change.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:16:03 into the audio

    ↗208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com

    30 Apr 2024 · audio · 1h 04m · spoken · machine transcript

When a relationship changes, the partners start to change each other through safe connection, which is where people grow.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… when you change a relationship, the partners start to change each other because they start to create a safe connection, and that's the natural place people grow 208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com · 30 Apr 2024 · 0:16:14 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordswhen you change a relationship, the partners start to change each other because they start to create a safe connection, and that's the natural place people grow

    Where this was said

    Said 0:16:14 into the audio

    ↗208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com

    30 Apr 2024 · audio · 1h 04m · spoken · machine transcript

EFT creates a corrective emotional experience of accessibility and responsiveness.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… we create a corrective emotional experience of accessibility and responsiveness where people can talk about their basic fears and get support from the other person and their basic needs 208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com · 30 Apr 2024 · 0:20:18 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordswe create a corrective emotional experience of accessibility and responsiveness where people can talk about their basic fears and get support from the other person and their basic needs

    Where this was said

    Said 0:20:18 into the audio

    ↗208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com

    30 Apr 2024 · audio · 1h 04m · spoken · machine transcript

The therapist evokes the emotion and regulates it at the same time.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… We've evoked it and we regulate it at the same time. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:30:18 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsWe've evoked it and we regulate it at the same time.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:30:18 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

People get depressed when they face their vulnerability alone.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… We get depressed when we're facing our vulnerability alone 208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com · 30 Apr 2024 · 0:34:36 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsWe get depressed when we're facing our vulnerability alone

    Where this was said

    Said 0:34:36 into the audio

    ↗208: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Dr. Sue Johnson (The Couples Therapist Couch)podcasts.apple.com

    30 Apr 2024 · audio · 1h 04m · spoken · machine transcript