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Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson

@sue-johnson · 12 positions

Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples; author of Hold Me Tight.

Sue Johnson did not write this page.

We collected these quotes from things they published elsewhere, and every quote links to where it was said. They have no account here and have not endorsed this site. Quotes are word for word; the short line under each one is our own restatement, not their wording. Their own site. Is this you? Claim it or ask us to remove it. Or tell us what is wrong here.

5 of Sue Johnson's claims fit 4 mental models. Most often: Attachment patterns, Empathy and validation, The pain beneath the symptom.

Models they name

Their own words name the idea.

Attachment patterns

How a person learned to seek safety shows up most when the emotional stakes are highest, and what looks like a character flaw is often a learned alarm.

Used by 3 others

Romantic love is an attachment bond, much like the bond with a parent.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… romantic love is an attachment bond, much like we have with parents Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:10:45 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsromantic love is an attachment bond, much like we have with parents

    Where this was said

    Said 0:10:45 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Emotional isolation is traumatizing in itself.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… emotional isolation is inherently traumatizing in itself Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:14:07 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsemotional isolation is inherently traumatizing in itself

    Where this was said

    Said 0:14:07 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Empathy and validation

Feeling with someone is not the same as telling them their feelings are valid. Empathy can be chosen, and a therapist who only validates stops being a companion.

Used by 4 others

A couples therapist starts by validating where people are, not by asking them to be vulnerable.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… we don't start with saying to people, please be vulnerable. We start with validating where they are. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:27:23 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordswe don't start with saying to people, please be vulnerable. We start with validating where they are.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:27:23 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

Models we see in what they say

Our reading: their claim applies the idea without naming it. The claim is theirs; filing it here is ours.

The pain beneath the symptom

The behaviour on the surface is often the visible part of something else: anger over grief, resentment over hurt, addiction over pain. Treating only the surface treats an effect.

Used by 4 others

What looks like depression is often heartbreak.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… She's not depressed. She's heartbroken. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:23:53 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsShe's not depressed. She's heartbroken.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:23:53 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript

The pursue-withdraw cycle

One partner moves toward, the other away, and each move feeds the other. The cycle sustains itself without either person being at fault.

Used by 3 others

In a distressed couple the dance is the problem, not the people.

  1. Sue Johnson Clinical psychologist and the developer of emotionally… And it's the dance that's the problem. They're just human beings. Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com · 15 May 2023 · 0:19:17 into the audioAll korrents from this episode
    Their wordsAnd it's the dance that's the problem. They're just human beings.

    Where this was said

    Said 0:19:17 into the audio

    ↗Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy with Dr. Sue Johnson (Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson)podcasts.apple.com

    15 May 2023 · audio · 1h 06m · spoken · machine transcript