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Telling a patient "your feelings are valid" is not therapy: it is the mirror image of "get a grip", and it makes the therapist a judge of feelings instead of a companion in them.

Drawn from what Jonathan Shedler said

Psychotherapy Treatment by conversation between a therapist and a patient, and the arguments about what in it actually does the work.

What makes psychotherapy work?under our view: The person delivering the therapy matters more than the method, and what they do is a skill that can be seen and trained

A private bookmark. Not a position, and never counted.

What Jonathan Shedler actually said

Word for word, with the source under each one. They did not write this page.

  1. Jonathan Shedler

    Clinical psychologist and clinical professor of psychiatry at UCSF

    The phrase "your feelings are valid" does not invite curiosity or deeper self-understanding, which is the point of psychotherapy. It is the mirror image of "stop whining and get a grip." One sounds warm and one sounds harsh, but neither deepens self-awareness.

Added to korrents 22 Jun 2026 · How quotes work · Something wrong? Tell us

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