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← People and their mental models

Wendy Behary's mental models

3 claims Wendy Behary made fit 3 mental models. Most often: Empathy and validation, Early templates, The therapeutic alliance. Everything they said here.

Models they name

Their own words name the idea.

Early templates

What a child learned about being seen, comforted or let down becomes the template adults run on: in relationships, in expectations, even in addiction.

Used by 4 others

Narcissism runs along a spectrum rather than being a category, and schema therapy treats it by working back to what early life embedded.

  1. Wendy Behary Psychotherapist, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center… the approach that I use is called Schema Therapy, and Schema Therapy is designed to work with very complex personality types, personality disorders, and even those that are happening along a spectrum ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com · 30 Jul 2020
    Their wordsthe approach that I use is called Schema Therapy, and Schema Therapy is designed to work with very complex personality types, personality disorders, and even those that are happening along a spectrum

    ↗ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com

    30 Jul 2020

Models we see in what they say

Our reading: their claim applies the idea without naming it. The claim is theirs; filing it here is ours.

Empathy and validation

Feeling with someone is not the same as telling them their feelings are valid. Empathy can be chosen, and a therapist who only validates stops being a companion.

Used by 3 others

Nobody living with a narcissist should feel obliged to become their therapist.

  1. Wendy Behary Psychotherapist, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center… And no one should feel burdened to become the therapist of the narcissist in their life. It's not your responsibility as a partner, as a child of a narcissist, or even a friend. ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com · 30 Jul 2020
    Their wordsAnd no one should feel burdened to become the therapist of the narcissist in their life. It's not your responsibility as a partner, as a child of a narcissist, or even a friend.

    ↗ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com

    30 Jul 2020

Narcissists can change meaningfully in therapy, though nobody changes completely, and most of the work is persisting with empathic confrontation past the first rebuff.

Mental modelThe therapeutic alliance

  1. Wendy Behary Psychotherapist, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center… In 30+ years of working with narcissistic men mostly - yes, it is possible for people to change. And even narcissists can change. Now, I don't really believe anyone changes completely, but it is possible to get meaningful change. ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com · 30 Jul 2020
    Their wordsIn 30+ years of working with narcissistic men mostly - yes, it is possible for people to change. And even narcissists can change. Now, I don't really believe anyone changes completely, but it is possible to get meaningful change.

    ↗ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com

    30 Jul 2020

The therapeutic alliance

Therapy needs two people who can work together. Whether the alliance causes good outcomes or merely reveals a patient who could form one is an open question.

Used by 3 others

Narcissists can change meaningfully in therapy, though nobody changes completely, and most of the work is persisting with empathic confrontation past the first rebuff.

Mental modelEmpathy and validation

  1. Wendy Behary Psychotherapist, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center… In 30+ years of working with narcissistic men mostly - yes, it is possible for people to change. And even narcissists can change. Now, I don't really believe anyone changes completely, but it is possible to get meaningful change. ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com · 30 Jul 2020
    Their wordsIn 30+ years of working with narcissistic men mostly - yes, it is possible for people to change. And even narcissists can change. Now, I don't really believe anyone changes completely, but it is possible to get meaningful change.

    ↗ERP 226: How To Understand And Deal With a Narcissist, an Interview With Wendy Behary [Transcript]drjessicahiggins.com

    30 Jul 2020